Romance Tips for Marriage Delights

By Annette Carpien



Has your relationship gotten a bit stale or lifeless? Wish you could “juice” it up more? If you are not getting enough affection, quality time, connection or romance, perhaps you are not giving enough, waiting for your partner to initiate. Be proactive.

1. CARVE OUT LOVE & CONNECTION TIME.

Take 2 minutes (or more) at least once each day to stop everything else, and focus on your love, admiration, appreciation of each other, even if, for now, it is one-sided. A good time might be when your partner just comes home. This is not the time to talk about the toilet backing up or overdue bills or your frustrations at work. Don’t mix problems in with connection time. Think of this as sacred time. If you have children, train them that this is mommy and daddy together time, then will come their time. What could be a better model for your children to observe than their parents loving each other.

2. TOUCH OFTEN, TOUCH SWEETLY.

A kiss behind the neck, a stroke on the thigh. Offer a massage as a birthday gift. Sometimes sensual and inviting, sometimes reaffirming of your love and commitment.

3. HAVE SEX MORE OFTEN. Even if you are not particularly attracted to your spouse any longer, or are too tired, make time for sex. Rather than deciding if you are in the mood or not, act as if you are in the mood, and you will likely find that you get in the mood quickly!

Sex is good for bonding, for your health and for your mental state. Don’t play the victim; ask for what DO you want and do whatever you can to make it delicious and enjoyable.

Though this sounds stereotypical, there is truth in it: Women who are pissed off and frustrated because their spouses don’t help around the house find that with more sex, their husbands become much more involved in home life, willingly. So focus on sex, and the housework and childcare may get more attention after all.

4. CULTIVATE YOUR PRIVATE JOKES, STORIES, YOUR OWN UNIQUE WAYS OF TOUCHING AND CONNECTING.

These are all highly bonding to a sense of "us" in own world, distinct from everyone else.

5. LEARN EACH OTHER’S LOVE LANGUAGE.

Do you feel loved and cared for in different ways than your partner does? Ask yourself, “how and when do I feel most loved?” Then either observe or ask your partner the same question. Give your partner the love he/she wants in the way he/she wants it. Ask for it in your way. We all know "the Golden Rule" - "Treat others as you want to be treated". This is "The Platinum Rule": "Love another the way he or she wants to be loved".

6. FIRE THE MIND READER.

Don’t assume your partner understands your every need and wish. Request, and tell what you want or need, especially when your wishes or needs change. Likewise, don’t assume you understand your partner’s feelings, needs, wants. Be curious, and ask.

We each have the power to positively influence an outcome that we want to achieve. We have inherent, God-given tools such as the power to envision, the power of intentionality, inspiration, assertiveness, the power to discover win-win solutions, to be loving, to ask for what we want, to see the best in another.

We also have many external resources available to help us give and get the love and romance we want. Ask someone you know who has the kind of marriage or relationship you want, for insights and inspiration. Or work with a coach, who specializes in relationships, love and/or romance to help you have the love, romance, and great sex you long for.